Stress and the Drama

I believe that everyone has some stress and drama in their life. I have had a knack for causing some stress and have had the pleasure of having stress in my life. It comes from mistakes and misunderstandings. It is interesting to be that so many times that we let people into our lives with the hope that they will make it better, only to find heartache and disappointment, why?  Which brings me to this quote by Samuel Johnson said "The road to hell is paved with good intentions," We have our expectations to high or believe that we know so much about the subject that we can fix it. I would believe that works maybe 1% of the time. I think if we come to a situation with the mindset of was I asked to help, or was I asked to listen? We would have better relationships, with others, ourselves, our God.

So with a recent situation, I had a choice. 1. Find a nice bowl of Gluten Free pasta or Ice Cream. 2. Go Swimming 3. Cry and Question why this is happening      4. Try to explain my point of view and making it worse. 5. Go to bed early, pray to be understood, pray for the strength to forgive, and pray for the strength to be forgiven. Some of these choices would be huge mistakes concerning my weight loss journey.

The difference now compared to a few weeks ago, is what I did!

1. I started by crying, Once an emotional girl ALWAYS an Emotional girl
2. I did try to explain myself and YES I made it worse. Eventually I will have the talents to speak my mind without offending. I pray the say comes soon.
3. I went swimming. I was nice to get in the 10 laps. I wish 20 but this was a start.
4. I went to sleep before Midnight!! I have prayed to be understood and Forgiven. I am working hard on trying to Forgive the person who made this situation. It is something that I will have to deal with in my own time.
5. BEST of All I didn’t eat my problem away

I am glad that I made positive choices in how I handled the stress. Now do I believe that my life will now be stress free, Not at all. But I believe that this was the 1^st test that allowed me to find a better way to handle it. I am still a work in progress. Thank goodness. I believe that someday I will be a beautiful masterpiece, but that takes a lot of work. This is just part of the work.

I know my drama is small compared to the burdens others are suffering with. Heck this drama isn’t even the biggest issue in my life right now. But I must say the most painful. I believe that is because there is a direct correlation between pain and the amount of care in a situation. I must learn from this experience and use it as a stepping stone to make me a better person; a more compassionate person, a more caring person, a less judgmental person, and most of all a more genuine person. In the end the only one we answer to is ourselves. If we don’t like what we see, we must change it.

“Forgive yourself for your faults and your mistakes and move on.” ~ Les Brown

Pounding the Treadmill

Well two days in a row of walking.  And still no eating after 8pm!!! I enjoy walking the track way more than I ever thought. I started walking the Corona Track in 2004 as I was trying to get pregnant with Beth. (Yes, Wayne and I were trying other things as well) I knew if I lost a few pounds that there was a chance I would get pregnant. I was excited when I got down to 325 pounds. Now that number sounds so awful. I guess going from a high that I know about of 385 pounds to a low last October of 238 pounds. Seems crazy. There is so much work that goes into losing the weight that I am disappointed in myself that I gained so much back. But today is a new day. But I found that if you watch “Drop Dead Diva” while walking on the treadmill, you can walk faster. I love Brooke Elliot, she is my motivation. There is a whole new world out there for single women.

I have mentioned before I have been watching Extreme Make Over Weight Loss, so this week the young woman lost 202 pounds in 1 year. I was Thrilled!!! Because if she could do it so could I. Now granted she started about 130 pounds higher than I am. But the goal of losing 200 pounds in one year is still the goal. I was so excited as I watched her transformation. She was hitting her goals and was making the progress I want to see in myself.  Then like a TON OF BRICKS, she said “Working out 5 hours a day for 6 days a week for the past year was worth it” My heart sank. There was no way that I could fit 5 hours of working out into my schedule. Yes, I can and should exercise everyday. But I am a Mom. I like being able to read books with my kids at night. (New Favorite, Tear Soup) I like being able to make dinner for my kids and hear them laugh. I like hearing Ben tell me about Pokémon, (just like Bert did when he was 9. They have the same excitement in their voice. I treasure it knowing that Ben will be a man, oh so soon. Just like his amazing brother Bert.) I like watching Beth do her own hair. And hear her ask Ben about Pokémon, so she can feel included. The extra 5 hours away from them is not worth it. But is it worth it to them to have an obese parent? There lies the true question. What am I willing to sacrifice to set the best example for them? That is yet to be determined. The other question is, Will there be anyone willing to help me lose the weight?

Goals for the day-

1. Swim 20 laps. I haven’t done that since 1983. We will see what happens.
2. Start the Food Journal. I hate this step because it forces me to be accountable. Something I hate more than anything in the whole wide world.
3. Find 5 reasons why I want to make this change.
4. Read “Tear Soup” again with the kids. Handling Grief is part of a healthy lifestyle
5. Give forgiveness freely, if I would like to be forgiven.

Baby Steps, and the Truth

I feel that I am taking some LIFE STEPS or baby steps in this process of finally losing ALL the weight. With that being said, I am feeling pretty good that I haven’t eaten after 8 pm for 2 days in a row. I know it might sound crazy but it is a start.  I needed to do better on working out this weekend but I was able to set up the treadmill and lap top. I believe that is a great combination. Anytime I can get on the treadmill, I am happy.

Compared to last year when losing weight seemed to be so easy, this time is different. One, I have a job. That has taken up a lot of my workout time. Second, learning how to deal with the fact that I am a single mother. (In my eyes that makes me a HUGE failure. BUT there was no other choice but to get a divorce) So bring on the comfort food. Third, I felt like I was being held accountable each week by trying to win the Nutriiveda Challenge. (Yes, It Bob from Biggest Loser- "It is not about a weight loss contest, It is about fixing what is broken" I believe that if I could have fixed what was broken last year maybe I wouldn't have gained any weight since last October, and would be celebrating the fact that I had lost over 200 pounds. I believe someday I will celebrate that mile stone.)

So what I did this morning to start my day off right was to drink my NEW favorite Nutriiveda Shake.  It is Carrot Tops, (The green part of the carrot. I would be such a brat if I didn’t Thank Eliisa & Rhett for growing Carrots in their garden. To buy fresh organic carrots with the tops on is about $3.75 for 6.Way to expensive) About a cup full. I like to cut them up pretty short so that it doesn’t eat up my blender. Then I put about a cup of Spinach Leaves, (I now have to use store bought because there is no more in the garden. I cannot say it enough, NOTHING in the World TASTES as good as garden fresh Veggies) I put in about 4-5 Frozen Strawberries, a handful of ice and Blend. It is sweet without any extra sugar. It is filling. It also tastes great. (Looks so gross!)

I also made sure that there was water to drink  at my desk so that I would drink it before eating any of the lunch that I had brought to work. Now if I would have only drank it.

I am excited tonight to go workout at the CDS Track. There is a comfort for me to be on that track. I feel safe there.  I feel that is a place that helps me to lose the weight.

The biggest thing for me to admit and accept is that I am an addict. I believe that is why I love that poem. I have attended 12 Step Meetings for almost 3 years now. One thing has been clear to me. Even though I believed when I first started going to the meetings there was nothing wrong with me, I soon realized and admitted that I had some addictions. At times I have been able to beat some of them, and other times I lose to them badly.  I was addicted to booze. And I have been sober for 19 years and 11 months. It will be almost 20 years. But the truth is that I am a Poly-addict. What that means is that I can be addicted to both good and bad things, or many things at once. I have been known to be addicted to work, addicted to TV, addicted to Face book games, addicted to my children’s success and happiness, and I have also been addicted to going to the Temple, reading my scriptures, or doing my calling. SO what does that have to do with the diet? EVERYTHING, I am addicted to food and sometimes would and do  eat to feel numb, feel loved, feel in control, or just because I am bored. It is something that I have worked on for a while. I like it better when I am addicted to working out. The reason, then I burn of calories. I lose weight. I feel stronger, powerful, amazing, and to some degree a success. I feel loved because everyone wants to be around a winner. I would even say including myself. As people we have a knack for judging others because of what they look like, how they talk, what they think; way before we even get to know them as people. That is something beside the pounds that I want to change. I believe that for me to lose the weight, besides having clear cut goals.  I have to find the positive in people, in my friends, in my kids, and in myself. Maybe it is just me that believes that the world can be changed to a better place for me and my kids.

So I must move forward, any improvement is a better than no improvement. I believe that Walt Disney is correct. I am now leading myself down a new path.

The goal for the week, it pretty cut and dry. Walk more, Eat less, Sleep More, Be more positive, and keep a food journal. (It is what works the best, but the hardest to accomplish. Yet really the easiest)

This Wednesday Night from 6-8pm, is Family Night at West Chandler Pool. I am hoping to swim 20 laps that night. Or play with the kids in the water for an hour while treading water. It was one heck of a workout last week.

Tuesday Night, I am back to the 2 hour workout at the Corona Track. The goal is from 6:30-8:30pm I will try to walk 4 miles or more.

Tonight from 7:30-9:30pm at the Corona Track we are playing games with the kids while walking. Ben likes to kick his soccer ball the whole way around the track.

I know that to some having me explain my thoughts is CRAZY. But to others know I am hoping you will join me so that I can reach my goal of losing 50 pounds by September 21^st.

Now when should I weigh in this week????? When will I have the mind of a Champion?

The 1st Step is the Hardest

It is said that a million mile walk starts with one step. Or if you want to eat an elephant you need to do it one bite at a time. I believe it is true with changing your life. I feel that I know where I want to go, but lack the road map to get there. Yes, I know eat less and exercise more. But that is so much easier said than done.

So I started thinking last night, at Midnight after eating Gluten Free Pizza & Wings. That I had already broken one of my goals. I was a little bummed thinking if I can't go more than 8 hours sticking to my plan, How in the world am I going to make 90 Days. Then I remember a quote from my mission, "The big news isn't that Adam Fell, It was that Adam got up and tried better." I have to ask myself daily, "Am I doing better today than I did yesterday?"

So with that being said, I did sleep in until 7am. I came to work with a positive attitude.
Then I started to list Health Changes I have made in my life in the past few years.

1. I stopped drinking Diet Soda. Heck, I haven't even drank any type of soda since July 2009. My kids totally hate that there is no longer soda in the house. I was drinking anywhere from 3-4 2 liter bottles a day of diet soda.

2. I try to eat 5 Fresh fruits or veggies a day. It has been interesting to see me change what I eat. When we lived in a House I had started to plan a garden. It was something that made me feel real again. Now living in an apartment, I feel so grateful and blessed to have a friend who not only knows how to grow amazing things BUT is willing to share with me and my kids. There is nothing that taste as good as a salad out of a garden. Who would have EVER thought I would love pickling cucumbers!

3. I try to drink a Nutriiveda/Protein Shake daily. It seems to help me get that extra amount of protein that is needed to burn fat and stave off cravings. My favorite shakes are Chocolate Nutriiveda with about 5 Strawberries and Ice. It taste like a Wendy's Frosty.  Or the Vanilla Nutriiveda with Carrot Top Greens, (This what they look like coming out of the garden) Spinach, & Berries. I add ice. It is so so YUMMY! Yep Green Shake for me.

4. I still take about 500,000 heat units of Cayenne a Day. It seems to keep me healthy.

5. I eat only organic fresh chicken eggs. I am so excited that Rhett & Eliisa were willing to raise some chickens. I am grateful that Stacy gave me the idea when I visited her in April. There is nothing that taste better than fresh eggs. The fact that they are free range makes it even better. I had always thought that eggs were making me sick. It is interesting to know that fresh eggs don't.

6. I eat Gluten Free! Mainly the reason is because I have Celiac's Disease!! I know that it would be easier and cheaper to eat things with Gluten, but being sick isn't worth it at all.

I wish my list could be longer. But who doesn't.

So Where does my road to great health and a better body start. It starts with the Goal of walking everyday this weekend for 2 miles. I know that might sound silly, but without the kids home. I can walk the neighborhood. Then with the weather forecast calling for a temp of 105, I believe I will play in the pool.

Now to stop eating out. To drink more water. And to be kinder. Then I believe I will be on the right path.

The New Beginning

There comes a time in your life when you have to take over and make a complete difference. Today is my day. This is a new blog that will help me to reach my goal of being thinner. I have been watching Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss on ABC. (I am sure they will try to sue me for using their name) But I love this Chris Powell and how he helps the Morbidly Obese in 365 days to transform their lives. He breaks it down into 90 day goals. I have found it interesting that there is always a "relapse" where there isn't much weight lost. I believe that has happened to me. I have gained weight over the past several months. Nothing I am proud of, and something I cannot seem to control. I know that there is reasons this has happened. The thing that I have found interesting is that without a great support team, your chances for success is limited. (No matter what you are doing in life)  Most people will tell you that there are there to help you succeed, but the truth is that we are all too busy to encourage, go walking, share a recipe, go to the gym, or help do a weigh in.  The reason that these shows on TV are so successful is that there is a HUGE support system, Cooks, Trainers, doctors, and there is no job distractions. But for everyone else there is no support system. (Really in anything in life, there is no support system) It is coming to the point where you try to do it all by yourself. Sometimes you will succeed, MOST of the time you will fail. It is part of being HUMAN. It is the constant trying again. and having people think that you are not determined because you failed at one of your attempts, That makes you a success. Eventually, I believe all goals can be achieved. Hopefully there will be those to encourage you and take the journey with you. But if not, you realize that it is your journey, and your journey alone.

So here is the New Beginning.

• Goal for the next 90 days- Ending on September 21, 2011 to lose 50 pounds.
• To complete a Triathlon with Ben on August 27th, 2011 in Thatcher AZ. It might be a small one but it is a start. ( I am still looking to borrow/buy a bike.)
• To help with Cameret's Wedding, I am so happy for this amazing young woman and I know she will be a BEAUTIFUL Bride. (The reason, I know her mother; and she was also a beautiful bride!)
• Stop eating after 7pm.
• Before work walks on the treadmill.
• Weight Training (building up those arms)
• Going to bed by 10pm

So why the new start, or Restart??? After my dad had a stroke; I knew that I didn't want my kids to be sitting in a hospital waiting room in their 40's because I didn't do my part to get my body healthy. Also the people who helped me last year to lose the weight are really not in my life anymore. I am grateful for Phyllis, Jan, and Donna; and their positive words of encouragement, praise, and cheering. You ladies have stayed the same in the past year and I feel really blessed to know you all. For those who live close to me and walk with me on the track, swim with me at the pool, offer your scale for a weigh in, or food out of your garden. Thank you. I cannot say THANK YOU enough or often enough.

So what do I need/want....... I want a work out partner. Someone who wants to change their life.

The question is, will I find one. Because today starts a new chapter in my book of life. My pages are blank and I have the pen.

It is up to me to know what kind of story I will write.