No Hate November!!!

There is a movie scene where the guy screams out the window "I am Mad as Hell and I am not going to take it Anymore"(I don’t even know the name of the Movie) I do have a short temper but I know I am not mad, I just want my world, this world, to be a better place. I have realized that life is too short for the constant need for putting each other down or being mean. We say that we want to stop bullying, a fairer world, or more compassion for those that suffer. But what do we do about it. I personally know that I need to do more. Change has to start with me. I need to be the person thinking about those who are fighting cancer who might need a meal or childcare, those who just had a new baby that might need a few hours to sleep or laundry folded, to be the listening ear to the woman who son is making choices that might change is life for the worst, or to say thank you to someone who helped you with a project at work.

I was told recently to stop trying to make the world a better place and instead make my life better. "You live paycheck to paycheck, your kids have other people’s clothes on, you live in a nasty apartment, and you don’t even have a pair of Sunday shoes for yourself. Why do you keep trying to help other people out when you need the most help and no one helps you" I was in shock for a few reasons, 1. They said this in my home 2. That they thought I might not have known these things about my life. 3. That they might actually believe that I wanted to continue this type of life for my kids forever. 4. But most of all that they didn’t understand that by helping others I was improving my life.

At first I was mad and then realized what I did have. 1. I have 3 kids who know that there will always be someone worse off than them. 2. That years from know when I am dead my kids will know I did everything in my power to try to take care of their needs. 3. That person who said this didn’t know me, As A person who feels that each one of us must be responsible for our own actions, Fess up, Own it, Change it, and Move on! I also realized was there someone that I might be judging because of my perceptions. I just knew I needed to change my attitude. 4. That I will Survive.

It has made me even more determined to Stop The Hate we must daily start by being kinder. Someone asked me how I felt about the Occupy Wall Street Movement. My answer is simple, I wish I could take off work to voice my opinion, But I am like most people just trying to make sure that my kids have food in their bellies, smiles on their faces, and somewhere safe to sleep at night.

I am grateful for a DESIRE to make the world a better place.

It starts today. For the next 30 days, I will try to live with 1 desire in mind to make it a little bit kinder, nicer, and more compassionate than it is today. If you want to be apart of the true change that will make life better, then Do, Share, and Be Different!

Day 1-

When encountering someone today, let your first thoughts be, What kind words can I say to this person and what kind things can I do?

Mantente en la via correcta!

Mantente en la via correcta means Stay on Track! That is easier said than done, but it is possible. In life there are so many things that can throw us off “track”. Sick Kids, Spouse or Ex-Spouse, job, death of a friend or family member, or just the TV. The ability to stay focused takes work and devotion to the goal. I am a hit or miss person. But the fight within myself to go after those goals that I want whatever they may be.

So I weighed in at the gym on Friday night, down another 2 pounds, not good but not up. So there is a lot of work that still needs to be done. The one thing that I did was run/walk 4 miles. For most people that is a 30 minute run. In my whole life it has NEVER been a 30 minute run. The best time ever was 5 miles in 60 minutes; I would love to be back at that speed or faster. But it is not 1985 and I am not 16 years old!  But on Friday, I had a personal best time. 4 mile 72 minutes, it felt good to let out the anger, pain, and sweat on the treadmill. There is something about listening to music and being on the treadmill that makes me feel good. I can think about life, my kids, my friends, my goals, and my God. Sometimes it a good thought other times it is full of anger and regrets. Things that I haven’t accomplished, goals I haven’t reached, people I have offended or who have offended me. But after a while I remember that I always have the ability to start again. It is how we handle life is how we are remembered. I have noticed that since my dad had his stroke. I have thought about mortality and what I would want my kids to know about their grandparents, their parents, their Aunts and Uncles. The best legacy that we can leave future generations is that they know us as people mistakes and all. And that they know how much we love them.

So am I a person who answers the call and makes the world a better place by letting the people around me that I care about them? Do my kids know how proud of them I am? Do I tell people how I feel about them? Do I try to smile at a stranger?

Life is full of cross roads, It is our choice to chose the path that leads to our happiness.

The Big Storm

On July 5, 2011 There was a HUGE dust storm in Chandler. It is called a Haboob. What ever you call it is a big mess. It covered the valley. It coated everything with this layer of dust. It went everywhere.  You couldn't even see in front of you. After the storm the next day I started thinking about how this storm is similar to how we treat people. We let things build up, we don't see what is really happening in a situation until there is a mess that is hard to clean up because of the words we say, the actions we take, & the thoughts we have. It takes a long time to clean up a mess. It takes a lot of work, but no matter how hard we work we can never get it back to the way it was before. With this storm, pools were cleaned the next day, cars were washed, and power lines were being repaired. But for days, weeks, and months there will still be dust to clean up. It covered everything, so there is no way to get it all at one time. And people will talk about the “BIG STORM” for years to come. The same is true in the way that we deal with people. A misplaced word can cause damage that can never be repaired. These storms like a Tsunami will take years to rebuild, and sometimes it cannot be rebuilt at all. The only way to prevent these types of messes is to think before you speak or before you act. That is so much easier said than done. The damage is too great and it can never be 100% fixed. I found this scripture from the Old Testament, Isaiah 54:17 kjv “No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is of me, saith the Lord.”

This is a better visual of this scripture. There are times in my life that I have used my tongue as a sword. I believe we all do, it is part of being human. We say things in anger, in hate, in pain, we betray confidence, or we give looks that say the nasty things we are thinking. But if we take the time to remember that these actions will cause a mess that will take forever to clean up. Maybe we can have a kinder and more loving world. There were some cars that didn’t get any dust on them because they were safely protected in a garage.  There has to be a “garage” for our thoughts before we let them out and create a mess.

So what does all of this have to do with the weight loss journey??

The storm prevented my favorite workout. Running the Track at Corona

We like the storm put garbage into our bodies and wonder why we have a “Health” storm and it takes years to clean up.

That I can use food to bury my anger, hurt, and fears.

Because of the storm I watched a movie called “Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead” It was a great motivation.

The movie is about a man’s journey with a Juice only diet. I was amazed how just a little bit of change can make a HUGE difference in your life. And Yes, I am pondering trying it because I like the idea of losing 40 pounds in a month. But because it is so hot in Arizona the thought of drinking for all my meals does sound appealing. I do believe that we can heal our bodies from the inside out. That by cutting out processed foods, caffenne, tabacco (this one effects me personally, because the doctors have said that my dad’d smoking habit is the reason he has COPD, the stroke, and heart disease) we can heal our heart, mind, and soul. I know for me personally since I started really looking at what I eat, that I have felt better.

I found out about a 5K on July 16th, which I am thinking about running. I need to run more to get the calories burning.  I must keep moving forward because there is so much life has to offer.

"I know Its Hard to Love Me but Couldn’t You Please Just Try Anyway."

Being able to workout this Holiday Weekend was AWESOME!! Thank you so much Jen, for running on the treadmill next to me at the gym!! I was able to swim most of the weekend and As of Saturday was down to 288 pounds! That is 12 pounds total since I have started. More importantly it is 38 pound to go towards the 1^st 50 pounds that need to be lost. The new plan is to walk at least 1 hour a day. Ideally it will be 3 hours a day. 1 hour before work and 2 after work. I did restart the food journal. The reason that thing works so well is that if I have to write it down then it makes it harder to put it in your mouth. I believe everyone wants to believe that they are doing the right thing all the time. Having to write down that you are making a bad choice well that just stops you. (I hope)

I heard this saying this weekend. "I know Its Hard to Love Me but Couldn’t You Please Just Try Anyway." It made me think how many of us are willing to take the time, effort, patience, & care. To love the one that is hard to love. Why are we afraid to love the one who looks different, acts different, or believes differently? Unconditional Love is the only thing that can make this world a better place.

So what would that have to do with weight loss? I believe the one person I have the hardest time to love is myself. I know my faults. I don’t trust that at all times I will make the right choices. I know that I will say something to offend or hurt someone else without trying. I know someone will offend me and I will take it personally when I really should brush it off. That is when I start to look for ways to feel better, i.e – Eat bad food choices. Not exercising, or not writing in the food journal.

So I am looking for a methods to learn to love myself. I thought look for 5 positive qualities that I have a day. (It didn’t work. Besides my perfect teeth. I couldn’t find anything else that didn’t involve my kids.)

So I found this online: Stew Smith’s Downloadable Workout Series

The 45 Day Beginner Program

Daily Affirmations:

I am Strong

I am Fit

I am Determined

I will Succeed

So knowing that the wedding is 59 days away (Yes, Camerat, I do have a countdown as well) I am going to say these things everyday for the next 45 days.

This weight loss needs to be permanent. The only way that this will happen is if I change everything.

The Scale and True Freedom

So I weighed in last night, the scale said 292 pounds. That is 8 pounds down, not bad for weighing in after work in my work clothes. Only 42 more pounds to go before September and I reach my goal. I didn’t walk last night, I was too tired. I also ate late at night. Kind of Bummed, but I can always restart. (Thank Goodness for That!!) I am not perfect, but I have to admit when I make a mistake. I have to be more accountable to myself, if I want to achieve this goal.

This being the Fourth of July weekend. I have been thinking a lot about this great holiday. I know that there were and are many people who stand up to make this country amazing. There are those who are willing to die to keep my idea of freedom safe. There are those who are willing to be spat, threatened, or cussed out because of their beliefs. We all have that ability to stand up to make this world a much better place.  My ex-husband and I have tried to teach our children these same values. For the past 2 years I have had Ben and Beth with me, while Bert was with this dad. My parents and I would go to Rustler’s Roost with the kids, eat BBQ & watch the fireworks. (Yes, being indoors is a lot nicer than 100+ degrees plus outside) This year because of my dad’s stroke and the progression of his COPD, we will not be going there. My sweet Ben has said “We should make Grandpa Tom a BBQ. So he doesn’t miss the 4^th of July” I look at Ben’s attitude as real Freedom. He understand compassion, he understands serving others, and he is very kind and loving. (He is a blessing in my life. I have learned so much from him.)

True and Real Freedom will come to my children when I have lost the extra weight that is holding me back from what I can and will be. I believe that all of us have “Extra Weight” that holds us back. It might be our financial situation, how we treat our spouse, how we have let our spouse treat us, how we treat our kids, how we treat our friends, how we treat our neighbors, but most of all how we treat ourselves. Do we see how living an honest, helpful, caring life can make the world better? Do we look to the sky and see the possibilities that we can accomplish?  Or do we think that we are in a pit that we cannot get out of. I know myself, I have a tendency to look at the pit and think that is all there is in life.

Relationships are to be cherished. That means putting in the time and effort to let the important people in your life that you care. It is being willing to give a sincere apology when you have caused a hurt to someone. It is giving forgiveness to other, even if they don’t apologize. It is asking yourself, Did I do any good today? Did I make a difference? Being real and genuine, you will always, make a difference to someone.

I am blessed with many friends who love this country so much that they are willing to serve in our military. I am in awe of their families who support them as they do this dangerous work. (Without a lot of people saying Thank you, may I add) I hope and pray that some day one of my children will be attending one of our military academies. It is one of my biggest regrets that I have because of being overweight and obese most of my life is that I was unable to serve my country in the U.S. Military. We all have the ability to serve and support those who make this country great.

True Angie, Always Smiling

One of the people I know who has made this Country Great without serving in the Military is Angie Bigler Allen; she passed away yesterday June 30, 2011 after a fight with Breast Cancer. Angie was a type of person who would smile at you, ask how you were doing, got to know her neighbors, and served her husband and kids. Always with a positive attitude and smile. A friend of Angie’s posted this quote on her husband’s Facebook Wall; Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of one's self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sing with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived . . . this is to have succeeded." Angie is a success! This is so true of Angie.

We all can be a success if we want to, we all can make this a better world for ourselves, our children, and future generations. It is as simple as doing 1 nice thing today for someone that doesn’t expect it. In that you find True Freedom, In that you honor those who have sacrificed for this wonderful country!            

Have a wonderful Fourth of July!

Stress and the Drama

I believe that everyone has some stress and drama in their life. I have had a knack for causing some stress and have had the pleasure of having stress in my life. It comes from mistakes and misunderstandings. It is interesting to be that so many times that we let people into our lives with the hope that they will make it better, only to find heartache and disappointment, why?  Which brings me to this quote by Samuel Johnson said "The road to hell is paved with good intentions," We have our expectations to high or believe that we know so much about the subject that we can fix it. I would believe that works maybe 1% of the time. I think if we come to a situation with the mindset of was I asked to help, or was I asked to listen? We would have better relationships, with others, ourselves, our God.

So with a recent situation, I had a choice. 1. Find a nice bowl of Gluten Free pasta or Ice Cream. 2. Go Swimming 3. Cry and Question why this is happening      4. Try to explain my point of view and making it worse. 5. Go to bed early, pray to be understood, pray for the strength to forgive, and pray for the strength to be forgiven. Some of these choices would be huge mistakes concerning my weight loss journey.

The difference now compared to a few weeks ago, is what I did!

1. I started by crying, Once an emotional girl ALWAYS an Emotional girl
2. I did try to explain myself and YES I made it worse. Eventually I will have the talents to speak my mind without offending. I pray the say comes soon.
3. I went swimming. I was nice to get in the 10 laps. I wish 20 but this was a start.
4. I went to sleep before Midnight!! I have prayed to be understood and Forgiven. I am working hard on trying to Forgive the person who made this situation. It is something that I will have to deal with in my own time.
5. BEST of All I didn’t eat my problem away

I am glad that I made positive choices in how I handled the stress. Now do I believe that my life will now be stress free, Not at all. But I believe that this was the 1^st test that allowed me to find a better way to handle it. I am still a work in progress. Thank goodness. I believe that someday I will be a beautiful masterpiece, but that takes a lot of work. This is just part of the work.

I know my drama is small compared to the burdens others are suffering with. Heck this drama isn’t even the biggest issue in my life right now. But I must say the most painful. I believe that is because there is a direct correlation between pain and the amount of care in a situation. I must learn from this experience and use it as a stepping stone to make me a better person; a more compassionate person, a more caring person, a less judgmental person, and most of all a more genuine person. In the end the only one we answer to is ourselves. If we don’t like what we see, we must change it.

“Forgive yourself for your faults and your mistakes and move on.” ~ Les Brown

Pounding the Treadmill

Well two days in a row of walking.  And still no eating after 8pm!!! I enjoy walking the track way more than I ever thought. I started walking the Corona Track in 2004 as I was trying to get pregnant with Beth. (Yes, Wayne and I were trying other things as well) I knew if I lost a few pounds that there was a chance I would get pregnant. I was excited when I got down to 325 pounds. Now that number sounds so awful. I guess going from a high that I know about of 385 pounds to a low last October of 238 pounds. Seems crazy. There is so much work that goes into losing the weight that I am disappointed in myself that I gained so much back. But today is a new day. But I found that if you watch “Drop Dead Diva” while walking on the treadmill, you can walk faster. I love Brooke Elliot, she is my motivation. There is a whole new world out there for single women.

I have mentioned before I have been watching Extreme Make Over Weight Loss, so this week the young woman lost 202 pounds in 1 year. I was Thrilled!!! Because if she could do it so could I. Now granted she started about 130 pounds higher than I am. But the goal of losing 200 pounds in one year is still the goal. I was so excited as I watched her transformation. She was hitting her goals and was making the progress I want to see in myself.  Then like a TON OF BRICKS, she said “Working out 5 hours a day for 6 days a week for the past year was worth it” My heart sank. There was no way that I could fit 5 hours of working out into my schedule. Yes, I can and should exercise everyday. But I am a Mom. I like being able to read books with my kids at night. (New Favorite, Tear Soup) I like being able to make dinner for my kids and hear them laugh. I like hearing Ben tell me about Pokémon, (just like Bert did when he was 9. They have the same excitement in their voice. I treasure it knowing that Ben will be a man, oh so soon. Just like his amazing brother Bert.) I like watching Beth do her own hair. And hear her ask Ben about Pokémon, so she can feel included. The extra 5 hours away from them is not worth it. But is it worth it to them to have an obese parent? There lies the true question. What am I willing to sacrifice to set the best example for them? That is yet to be determined. The other question is, Will there be anyone willing to help me lose the weight?

Goals for the day-

1. Swim 20 laps. I haven’t done that since 1983. We will see what happens.
2. Start the Food Journal. I hate this step because it forces me to be accountable. Something I hate more than anything in the whole wide world.
3. Find 5 reasons why I want to make this change.
4. Read “Tear Soup” again with the kids. Handling Grief is part of a healthy lifestyle
5. Give forgiveness freely, if I would like to be forgiven.